Yesterday morning, I wrote an email to a local hair + makeup artist.  I had been chatting with other photographers, who all had similar experiences with this particular company, where the bride’s hair + makeup wasn’t done on time.  I knew that they always saved the bride for last on the wedding day, so I wrote this email to shed light on the photography timeline and to explain that the bride needs to be finished before anything else can start on the wedding day.  I thought my email was written gently, without any direct accusations, personal attacks, or criticism of their work in general.  It was truly written from a good place, to help educate and reiterate that the bride’s hair + makeup needs to be done before we can start anything else on the wedding day.  This was my email:

Hey X!

Since I work with your company so much, I wanted to bring something to your attention that will help photographer’s out tremendously on the wedding day.  I’ve noticed that your teams tend to work on the bride last for their hair + makeup.  I understand that this may be because you want her hair + makeup to be the “freshest”, but in the grand scheme of things, this is where the timeline starts to fall apart for photographers because we can’t move on with the day until the bride is done. 

On a few occasions recently, the bride hasn’t even started hair + makeup by the time I arrive and it has hurt the entire wedding day timeline because the bride’s hair + makeup is running 30+ minutes late. If everyone else in the wedding party is done and the bride is still being worked on because she got into the chair last, everything is at a standstill for us.  We need the bride for photos + to move on with the day’s events :)  In actuality, everyone else can be finishing up their hair + makeup while the bride is getting dressed – and even after we’ve left for the First Look, if things are running behind. So that’s why it would be so helpful if the bride wasn’t done last on the wedding day.  It just gives us some extra leeway with the timeline if she’s done with plenty of time to spare.

The most important people for hair + makeup on the wedding day are the bride + whoever else will be helping the bride get into her dress, like her mom, sister, MOH, etc.  They need to be done and photo-ready before anyone else does, so if it’s possible to schedule hair + makeup with that in mind, that would be sooooooooo helpful for us!!  I just wanted to pass that info along to you, from a photographer’s perspective, because hair + makeup is usually where we get behind on the wedding day timeline and it’s been frustrating to see everyone else done and ready on-time and the bride’s the one that’s running behind.  I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh or insulting because it’s TOTALLY not meant in that way.  But I thought I’d send this along, since it’s something I’ve encountered a lot recently and I know I work with you guys a ton :)  Thanks so much and I hope you have a great week!!

Warmly,

Dana

The response I received from the hair + makeup artist was absolutely shocking, heartbreaking, and totally unexpected.  It took me by complete surprise.  I honestly balled my eyes out for a few hours last night, reading and re-reading her email to me.  She attacked my personality, my character, my work, my career choice, my vendor relationships, and my relationship with my brides – and I began to question everything… was I really such a horrible person to my brides and other vendors?!  I was shaken to the core.  This is her email response to me:

Dana-

While I am taken back at the unprofessionalism of your emails I am glad you reached out to me as there are concerns I would like to address as well. I have had complaints from our brides and my staff regarding how you conduct yourself and have seen first hand how you are on weddings. Your condescending email to me goes hand in hand with your overall demeanor while we are working on site. 

First of all, I have been in business as long as you have and am one of the top hair and makeup companies for our region. By this point we are aware of our timing and will continue to do the bride’s hair and makeup last for a number of reasons. It ensures the bride looks as fresh as possible – which should be a huge concern for you. Every other photographer we work with appreciates that we do the bride last so her hair is perfectly intact and the makeup is fresh for their first look images/ceremony. All of our brides not only request to go at the end but even leave us reviews thanking us for putting them at the end of the day so they can relax during the morning, exchange gifts, etc. 

Most (if not all other than you) spend time doing getting ready shots which brides love. Since you do not arrive until we are wrapping up the bride would miss these special shots. Of course we can ‘stage’ them but then you are missing out on truly candid images that I’m sure your bride would like. While I appreciate your concern on our timing we will not be changing the order of how we do things simply to convenience you. We have not had one negative review from a bride complaining about timing or order of services and until then we will continue doing what is best for the bride and bridal party. 

That being said, I personally handle timing for every single wedding. I ask brides far in advance to ask their photographer when the photographer needs them 100% finished with hair and makeup. In my bridal contract it also states “Photo ready time” which is to be determined by the photographer. If you are feeling rushed then please ask your brides to put they need to be ready a half hour earlier. We all need to be working together to make sure these weddings go as smoothly as possible.

Secondly, my company is known for being punctual and typically finishes ahead of schedule. We have photographers and coordinators who only work with us specifically because we get our brides done on time. One of the main reasons we run behind on a rare occasion is due to your team. You come in typically 30 minutes prior to when we are finishing the bride – which is 30 minutes of critical time built into our timeline that we need. You then ask the bride for shoes, invitation, dress, etc. for detail shots. This not only interrupts the brides service (which she pays a lot of money for) but takes time away from my stylists. If you want to make sure we keep you on schedule then I suggest you reach out to the bride prior to have her organize all of these details. 

Just like you, we are hired at the number of weddings we are because we are the best at what we do. I have not reached out to you asking you to rearrange the way you do things or letting you know the comments I’ve received from brides and my staff regarding your unprofessionalism. You come across on weddings and your email that you are above my company and I do not appreciate your condescending approach. We do not work for you but we do have to work along side of you so I would suggest making an effort to understand your place. If you want us finished with the bride quicker, simply ask the bride to bump up her timeline. Talking down to me in an email and telling me to change the way I run my business isn’t going to help anyone. 

We do around 600 weddings a year – on average 20-25 a weekend in wedding season. I know you think you see us a lot but we work with all of the photographers in Charleston and I can hands down say my staff has the most difficult time working with you. Majority of our brides come to us for a trial run prior to choosing a photographer. They ask for our opinions and we have never once talked poorly about your company and have only said positive things about your work. That being said, my staff has come to me on numerous occasions saying how you rush them on weddings, don’t even make eye contact or say hello when you walk in, treat them like “the help”, and have moved their irons/tools without asking. I noticed this myself on the wedding I worked with you this past weekend. You walked in the door, addressed the bride, and didn’t even glance at our team. It’s literally shocking how rude you are – I have never experienced that with another vendor as we all should be acting as a team. Numerous other vendors in our industry have addressed this with me as well regarding your attitude on weddings. The bride notices these things and last season I had a bride as me if you were upset about something when you ignored me and walked right past me after I said hello to you. 

I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other this season so I recommend again telling your brides an earlier photo ready time. I apologize for the inconvenience we have caused you. I enjoy working with vendors who build each other up, compliment each other and work as a team to give our brides the best wedding day possible. If that isn’t your end goal then I might suggest another career field for you. Maybe landscape photography? If you do plan on staying in this industry I suggest you treating your fellow vendors with respect and understanding that the role we play on weddings is just as important as yours.

Oh- also heard a complaint this weekend from a bride that you weren’t focusing on editing the details in their images and were only focusing on lighting. Just wanted to pass that along while we are writing emails about what needs to be improved upon.

Best of luck to you this season! 

The reason I am posting this exchange is because I believe in transparency.  My reputation in the Charleston wedding industry is everything to me, and I pride myself on having great relationships with all vendors and especially my brides, so to have someone accuse me of these things and attack my character is not something I take lightly.

The most important reason I am posting this is because she accused me of some very serious things and I want to make things right, if these things are true.  So I ask…

is this really how I come off on the wedding day to my brides, their families, and the rest of the wedding day vendors??  

I consider myself pretty self-aware and I know I can get laser-focused on the wedding day, but I am so terrified that this is really how I’m seen.  If this has been your experience with me, PLEASE let me know directly via text, email, private message, or a phone call.  I know I have really bad RBF… but this is something totally different and terrifying!!  I hate that this could potentially be true and I want to make it right.

The wedding industry is tough.  So many people need to come together to make the couples’ day absolutely perfect and if there’s any ill-will or negativity between vendors, it can definitely have an impact.  I will never call this person or her company out by name publicly, but if you are wondering who it is, please message me – as I’m happy to name them privately.

For future brides + other wedding day vendors, I also wanted to address the things she is accusing me + my team of in this email: my team and I arrive at the bridal suite 90+ minutes before the bride needs to get into her dress – not 30 minutes, as she states.  We do take “getting ready” shots, so I’m not sure why she alleges that we don’t.  I send my bride’s an email 10 days before the wedding, telling them what items to have organized and ready upon my arrival.  They do not spend a ton of time showing me where they are, because they already have it together for me, and they give these items to me as soon as I arrive – not at the 30 minute mark of hair + makeup as she states.

I don’t think I’ve ever been anything but calm + kind on the wedding day, to everyone I encounter.  I’ve never been accused of treating someone like “the help” and that actually really offends me.  I’ve never rushed hair + makeup.  I don’t really speak to the hair + makeup team while they are working hard, because I don’t want to distract them.  If anything, I’ve simply asked for an ETA on when they’ll be done… but that’s all.  I know hair + makeup is important and I’d never rush them because I know it’s important to my bride.  I’ve never EVER touched the irons or styling tools of a hair + makeup artist EVER and I’ve never purposefully ignored someone who has said hello to me on the wedding day.  Could I have not heard her say hello?  Very likely.  I do stand next to a loud speaker at the reception every week, so my hearing isn’t the best.  But I wouldn’t ever ignore someone on purpose… that’s just not who I am.  To say that I should consider another career field, like landscape photography, is just downright insulting.